|
Be Wary of Over Socialising
by Beverley Paine
Over-stimulation through homeschool activities is one of the things I try to warn new homeschooling families about. We all do it - mostly because we're worried about the socialisation factor. We feel guilty because we think we are depriving our children of friends because they aren't at school. I've done a lot of thinking about this over the years and a LOT of looking at and observing children's behaviour, mostly to work out in my own head why we feel this pressure to be so busy socially.
In tribal village life, which is what I think humans are best suited to, children play with each other when there is nothing else to do. Mostly children are engaged in activity that supports the survival of the family, tribe and village. They are involved in creating shelter, sourcing and preparing food and water, taking care of siblings and younger children while adults are busy and playing. They have relatively free access to a range of adults and children and naturally seek out what they need in order to develop holistically.
The way we live - in a nuclear family arrangement - means we don't have the contact with a range of adults and children we need to learn the social rules of society naturally. We're a couple of hundred years - 8 or 9 generations - removed from this experience in our society. Plus, the practice of schooling has effectively and deliberately removed any skills we may have had. Parenting is much harder for us because school interferes with the development of our parenting skills. Ever since the advent of mass compulsory schooling, teachers have had to gradually pick up more and more of the workload of parents as each successive generation 'forgets' natural social skills. As a result we're confused and end up over compensating, or delegating the responsibility to people who probably have less skill than us (at least parenting skills develop over time, for decades most teachers and educators were childless spinsters or bachelors!)
We've been brainwashed into believing children need full on contact with other children to develop properly. We've been told this is best handled by trained adults during the hours of 9am to 3pm five days a week, or under adult supervision in controlled situations. We grow up believing this and nearly everyone around us - including homeschoolers - are convinced. Before school hammers this indoctrination into our heads with addictive socialisation. Around the fire tribal and family story telling that is personal and reflects village life has been replaced by story books, television programs and movies where fictionalized characters build a idealized version of socialisation. These stories are written not by the whole community, but by a tiny minority. Sometimes the agenda for the stories we grow up with was nothing more than profit or income, at other times it is a deliberate attempt at social engineering on a massive scale.
Add to that the inhuman pace of life we suffer from in our technological societies and it no wonder we crave a more simple, peaceful existence! And the immense loneliness that is a result of the effects of the first half of last century, where world wars, genocide and pandemics had a devastating effect on the way people live, scattering refugees across the planet, breaking bonds with land, culture and family, the very things that naturally socialize us.
Those of us brave enough to turn our back on this insane need to be with others every day, to be busy, to fill our lives with doing something to affirm our worth, and to carve out a different existence based on our instinctive needs, will find it unsettling and hard. My own experience has shown me that it doesn't get any easier - even as the children grow into adults. Are we doing the right thing? It feels right in the right places in our hearts, minds and souls, but our conditioned intellect can't help by worry.
We are right to try and resist the pressure but it is hard finding a balance that suits not only your social needs but also the social needs individual children in your family. Children need lots of time alone, lots of time with siblings, lots of time with parents and access to others in as many natural situations as possible. Too many homeschoolers try to replicate school without seriously questioning the reasoning behind why schools operate the way they do or considering the long term social outcomes of such an unnatural education. We fall back on our conditioning to create social opportunities for our children rather than thinking through what our children really need to thrive. By observing children, by taking my cue from them, from their needs, I've learned that they prefer to set the pace of their socialisation development in less contrived social situations, generally within family or extended family sized mixed gender and aged groups.
We need to go with what your instincts are telling us and shut out the nagging doubts or peer pressure to do otherwise!
Was this article helpful? Was it worth $1.00 to you?
Your gift of $1 or more helps to keep this site operating
offering encouragement
and reassurance to families
wanting
better outcomes for their children.
Beverley Paine with her children, and their home educated children, relaxing at home.
Together with the support of my family, my aim is to help parents educate their children in stress-free, nurturing environments. In addition to building and maintaing this website, I continue to create and manage local and national home educating networks, help to organise conferences and camps, as well as write for, edit and produce newsletters, resource directories and magazines. I am an active supporter of national, state, regional and local home education groups.
"You've been an inspiration to me, I love the way
you really listen to people." Vanessa
"Whenever I read your writing I always come away
with increased confidence in my ability to provide and
share a wonderful learning journey with my family!" Davina
"Your guidance, understanding, support and words of
wisdom changed our lives. We now offer support and
organise many homeschooling events for others." Lesley
"Thank you once again for your prompt and friendly service.
I am convinced that your books are going to add
quality and peace of mind to my journey of teaching my kids
at home! Just from studying your website, until almost
2am
in the morning, I 've been encouraged!" Louisa
"Thank you for all your many,many reassuring words
over many, many years. You probably don't know exactly how
valuable you are to the Australian Home Education community.
I've been reading your stuff for maybe 8 years or more now.
And I'm very grateful." Gythaa
CLICK HERE
if you want to learn
how to write your own education plans
to suit
your unique children's
individual learning needs?
Or you are looking for quality curriculum and teaching tips...
|
|
Welcome to the World of Home Education
and Learning without School!
We began educating our children in 1985, when our eldest was five. In truth, we had helped them learn what they need to learn since they were born. I am a passionate advocate of allowing children to learn unhindered by unnecessary stress and competition, meeting developmental needs in ways that suit their individual learning styles and preferences. Ours was a homeschooling, unschooling and natural learning family! There are hundreds of articles on this site to help you build confidence as a home educating family. We hope that your home educating adventure is as satisfying as ours was! Beverley Paine
3 ESSENTIAL STEP BY STEP GUIDES
Let experienced home educators Beverley, Tamara and April walk you through HOW to create a learning plan that builds on solid foundations that works for YOUR family AND ticks all the boxes for home educaton registration!
|
Tap into Beverley's
experience
through her books
"Your books, your blogs helped me beyond words... they helped me to find comfort in knowing it is ok to choose exactly what is best for my family." Nisha
"Your books and information are mind blowing and already I am feeling good about this new experience." Diane
"Your guidance, understanding, support & words of wisdom changed our lives." Leslie
"I feel specially inspired by Beverley's words and, the more I read her comments, the more inspired I feel, since my need for support, respect for different parenting styles, and information are fully met." Marijo
|
 |
|
The information on this website is of a general nature only and is not intended as personal or professional advice. This site merges and incorporates 'Homeschool Australia' and 'Unschool Australia'.
The Educating Parent acknowledges the Traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Owners, the Custodians of Australia, and pay our respects to Elders past and present and extend that respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people viewing this website.
Advertise on this site.
Australia's premier online annual conferences, lifetime access to video and audio recordings, freebies, notes and associated resource guides.
EVERY SUMMIT IS UNIQUE!
$29 each  2023  2022 2021
$25 each 2020 2019 2017
"Biggest and best Aussie homeschool event of the year!"
Home education is a legal alternative
to school education in Australia.
State and Territory governments are responsible
for regulating home education and have different
requirements, however home educating families
are able to develop curriculum and learning programs
to suit the individual needs of their children.
Without revenue from advertising
by educational suppliers and Google Ads
we could not continue to provide information
to home educators. Please support us by letting
our advertisers know that you found them on
The Educating Parent. Thanks!
|
About
Thank you for visiting!