Beverley

I think everyone has to work out what the essential chores are for them. We gave up chores that we really didn't need to do but which were expected to be done by extended family members, friends, society, culture.

Simplifying our lifestyle helped a lot too, as did living in a small house (two years in a caravan and annexe, four years in a converted garage).

Making tasks easier to do helped. Labels (words and pictures) meant the children could enjoy a measure of independence, which we encouraged. Where I could easily delegate tasks to them I did: a doona makes making the bed easy for toddlers; bins for clothes eliminates the need to fold or get help to hang in the wardrobe; each child has his or her own laundry basket or there is one in the bathroom - wherever they take off their clothes.

We eliminated the size and scope of chores by organising our living space to be efficient. I preferred open shelves because it meant we tidied as we went rather than cramming things in cupboards (and hence collecting more stuff we didn't really need).

I questioned most things we did each day: were they really necessary, and why were we doing them. If we couldn't come up with answers that were meaningful to whoever had to do the chore or task then it was okay not to do it. Sometimes that meant copping the consequences. And that was okay too.

I also found that if I wanted the children to do a task, particularly before their teens, helping them to do the task was more effective and efficient than nagging them and feeling resentful or frustrated. The more I helped them the more cooperative and willing they became.
Oh, and we had a motto - "we play at work and work at play". I kept reminding myself and others of the need to examine the definition of work and play. I'm not sure when it happened, but at some stage I rejected the notion that play is child's work. It's all work, and it's all play. Playfully doing the work makes a lot of sense. Adding bubbles makes it fun.

My youngest child rewarded me awesomely during his early teens by naturally and happily adopting a range of daily chores - chopping the firewood, setting the fire, feeding the animals, getting in the washing, etc - without being asked. He saw it as part of his responsibility for living within a family, 'doing his bit'. It took me about a dozen years to learn how to approach the issue of chores in our family but I got there eventually!

Rosemary

I come from a Montessori background where every task serves a purpose and that play and work are not separate but intertwined. Making a useful and valued contribution to the family is something missing for many children in today's family (and school) life and I feel it disempowers them e.g. it makes them subject to adults to satisfy their needs. Seeing the maintenance of a the household as a family responsibility instead empowers children, makes them independent and self reliant but still within the loving safety of a family environment. I think it also changes how we as adults see them and helps us to avoid the mindset that having children is a burden (that society likes to say continues on into their 20s and 30s).

My two (10 and 13) have a daily list and are expected to complete it. We talk about family responsibilities and living together and that everyone contributes. In our home we are all contributors with tasks and responsibilities and expectations that match our size, age and abilities.

Sally

Mine don't have set chores but generally are happy to help when I ask. I have talked to them about how to keep the house running smoothly we all need to pitch in. I think it's great to start when they are little...letting them help out when they are interested. All of mine as toddlers, have wanted to help sweep or wash dishes or load the washing machine.

Generally once a week we have a big tidy up and clean all the communal living areas. Their own rooms...they can clean or not as they please. I of course help the younger ones.

When approaching chores I don't speak about them in the "you need to help me" way...that implies the chores are mine! I say that 'x' needs doing.

Also instead of asking (or telling) them to pick up their leggo, or asking them to help me pick up their leggo...I will say "Do you need a hand to pick up your leggo?"

The way we speak to our kids and about chores really can make a difference to how our kids view them.

Kate

We all do chores together and take turns doing different things. I help them learn to do different chores as they get physically big enough to do them and we trade off with the ickier ones, so no one's always stuck. We basically treat it as a natural part of sharing responsibility for being a member of a household/community and I don't ask them to do anything I'm not willing to take a turn at doing myself too.

Daniela

In my household we work as a team. So if and when I need help with anything who ever is there husband and or kids, they help. For example, if in the morning I wake and the house needs tidying and vacuumed, I'll ask for help and let them choose from wha t needs to be done. From memory, they have never said no, if they question why, I answer and they help. I think giving them the choice and creating a team environment works really well as no one feels obligated to anything, everyone feels helpful to each other in all situations.

More articles on chores:

• Children and Chores
• The Educational Value of Chores
• Chores - An Unschooling Perspective
• A question about the age appropriateness of chores
• Sharing the Chores
• Chores and the idea of service
• The Kids, The Housework, and Me and What About Chores?, by Jennifer McGrail

• Dayna Martin on Chores
• Sandra Dodd on Chores